The Death of a Dream

I’ve hungered for this dream many years; kept my eyes on the prize since I was 13. It was then I decided I wanted to be just like the people on the TV screen; dressed to impress, delivering their lines effortlessly.

Reality hit when I was just starting college; when Mama told me only the pretty ones made it to TV. I was sure she really meant that I was too ugly for the big screen; even too ugly for anything really.

After college, I found my business degree got me right where I expected it to: working like a slave, obeying my boss’ every command.

One day, I came home and sat myself down on the couch to watch some TV. On came the image of an unimaginably beautiful woman; a woman I envied greatly. Then came a much less attractive woman; a woman who looked a bit like me. Before I knew it, I was crying, as if mourning the loss of the girl I used to be; the one who dared to dream.

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Anger: The Lioness in Me

It was a difficult day for me. Having no real drive to go to school, I literally had to force myself to leave the house. The rest of the day was just about as bland as it usually was, but was at least tolerable. It was while I was taking my final class for the day that things really started to take a turn for the worse.

Have you ever met some people who seemed to scream, “I don’t like you,” without saying a word at all? At least their attitudes alone give you that impression, regardless of whether it is true or not. Today I had to face this bitter reality; the fact that not everyone is going to be nice to me, and that these are the people I find it hardest to love.

It is a habit of mine to make excuses for these people for the sake of not letting hatred build, but it only ends in me suppressing my anger. What do I do when it all builds? Where does it go? It remains there in my system, just growing and growing until finally, I explode.

This is unhealthy, obviously, and I’m fully aware, yet I’ve gotten so used to silently watching the world around me crumble that I hardly know what else to do.

I have always hated getting angry, but with all the suppressing I do, it only gets worse. But being the sensitive person I am, I’ve come to learn something about emotions: they all have a message to be heard. Anger is no different.

Slowly, I’m learning that it is okay to feel angry. Soon I hope to learn how to express that anger appropriately and effectively. For now, I’ll take it one day at a time.

Original date: Oct. 23, 2017

Thoughts of You

How long will it last

These fantasies of mine?

They fill my head both day & night

Thoughts of you; your sweet embrace 

It fills my heart with fright

For as much as I delight in them

I know they are but distractions to me

An escape from person I am & from the one I used to be.

On A Rainy Day

There’s something about a dark, cloudy sky that gets me in the mood for a good cry.  These moments I often find a little strange; even a little poetic.

I only wish that I could find the words to capture all the wonderful things I’ve experienced exploring the world and all its mysteries in my wildly curious, overly imaginative mind. Often I find my words to be inadequate.

Happy Monday everyone •••

The Setting Sun

As I gaze upon the setting sun

My weary soul finds its rest


Happy Friday everyone! Remember to take time to relax and reflect. 

Quite a lot has been happening lately; so much that it seems I can hardly find time for myself. 

I must confess, I really miss taking the time to share my thoughts on this platform. I hope that soon, I will be able to get back to posting consistently. 

Until then, I pray that you all may find rest, even in the midst of your storms. 

Stay strong. Keep fighting.

Love,

Dainelle

Survival: The Beating of a Heart

Have you ever gotten so caught up in the madness that you can’t seem to find time for yourself? Have you ever felt stuck in a routine, like a robot or a puppet on a string? 

In my fight to calm the ever raging waters of my mind, I’ve learned the best remedy: letting go, and admitting that there’s nothing I can do. 

Time and time again, I’ve seen how powerful stepping back and simply having faith can be, but I’d be lying if I said I always put my words into action. 

More times than I can count, I’ve lost myself in the madness, stressing over anything and everything that I could feel stressed about, forgetting to step back and slow things down a bit.

Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle that even trying to get your body and mind back to a calmer state can seem impossible. But by just taking myself away for moment, focusing on my own breathing and the rhythmic beating of my heart, whispering a short prayer, I’m able to find peace in the midst of the madness.

Perhaps one of the most beautiful things about life is moments like this; finding time to rest in the midst of the storm, and finding a sense of purpose again. 

Whoever you are, wherever you may be, always remember to take a moment to slow down. Breathe in, breathe out, listen to the beating of your heart, whatever works for you! Just take a moment to remember why you are here, and surely, soon enough, you’ll be ready to bravely face the world again.

Numb

Sentenced to life by the judge in my head

Only on the basis of good behaviour may my freedom be bought

Now guilt eats at my soul, tearing me apart

Constantly reminding me of my yesterdays

So I try, with all my might, to be good

Yet day after day,  the more I try, the more mistakes I make

So, drowning in shame, I hide within myself

Allowing numbness to take my place

But now and again, I return, growing bolder

 

For it is better to feel pain

Than to feel nothing at all

 

A Month Without The Internet

In all the time I’ve spent blogging, never would I ever have thought that I would have to go without it for a whole month.

For the past few weeks, I’ve had to make use of my school’s WiFi. Otherwise, the occasional trip to my sister’s house would have to suffice. In all the chaos, having started university a few weeks ago and having an oh-so-convenient internet shortage, I could hardly find time for myself, let alone any time for blogging.

While the experience has been far from a pleasant one, in the end, I was able to learn something. In trying times, one must find time to reconnect with oneself, and, as in my case, one’s spiritual side.

For the past year, my blog has served as the place I go to dump all my thoughts; the good, the bad and the ugly. Novel writing, on the other hand, has long served as my escape from it all. Now that I’ve gone long enough without both, I realize just how much writing means to me.

Finally, yesterday, I sat myself down and started working on a chapter of my long-abandoned book draft after playing (not-so-eloquently) a short piece by the keyboard as a sort of starting point for catharsis. By the time I was done, I felt emptied, free and like myself again.

Now that I have found the time to write, all I can say is, how dull life would be without it. Music and literature have long become my refuge. Now I see just how valuable they are to me, and I am more than happy to return to blogging to share my thoughts with the world again because I know well the power words hold.

Special thanks to all my followers for the support. Please note that Human is now available on Amazon for free, now & forever.

See link: Human

The Writing Desk – Book Review

The Writing Desk tells two unique, but oddly connected tales – one of Tenley Roth, an award-winning author from modern-day New York, and one of Birdie Shehorn, a young woman from the Gilded Age who dreams of becoming a published author.

The story starts with Tenley, who gets a call from her estranged mother, Blanche, requesting she pay a visit. Leaving New York for Florida, Tenley is left to face her sick mother, the fast approaching deadline of her second book, and an unanswered proposal.

During her stay, she discovers a desk. Quickly she grows fond of it. This discovery marks the beginning of her journey to finding true love and spiritual awakening. Soon she meets Jonas Sullivan, a handsome furniture designer who had already purchased the desk, but after long protest, handed over the desk’s rights to her. With his help, in its drawer she finds Birdie Shehorn’s manuscript, and in Jonas’s company, she finds unexpected friendship.

As the two women’s stories intercept, Birdie’s strong character is revealed in her refusal to marry for money, but rather, love, despite the pressures that surrounded her in the aristocratic society she lived in. Despite being world’s apart, both Birdie and Tenley, in their troubles, learn the true meaning of love and the beauty of growing spiritually.

Two recurrent themes in this book are love and forgiveness. While I feel Tenley’s love story was a little rushed, I enjoyed seeing all the characters contribute to her growth. Her story beautifully depicts how through love, forgiveness and spiritual maturity, broken relationships can be mended. Birdie’s story painted a wonderful, realistic picture of what true love looked like in an aristocratic society.

With a fair amount of romance and drama, the author seems to cater particularly to a young female audience, though I find this book also to be suitable for more mature audiences. While this is a Christian fiction book, it does appear to be tailored to fit the mainstream market, though it does not to abandon its title altogether.

Most references to sex/sexual desire are subtle and not taken too far, though there are moments when tension builds. Overall the book did contain a biblical message of love and forgiveness, but was not as spiritually-focused as I originally expected.

Birdie’s story sold this book for me, but I do believe it is Tenley’s story that ties it all together. In the end, it all boils down to the reader’s taste.

-A big thank you to NetGalley & Thomas Nelson for providing me with a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

The Writing Desk by Rachel Hauck

 

A Message To My Followers

Today I’d like to take a moment to thank all my 200+ followers! I appreciate every single person following this blog. Even knowing that this blog helps/inspires at least one person makes me happier than anyone could ever imagine.

As I prepare for school, I’d just like to inform you all that I’ll be taking a break. Not only is the school term fast approaching, but I am in desperate need of inspiration. In order to obtain it, I must clear my mind. Hopefully when I return you’ll be seeing more interesting/ inspired content from me.

Once again, thank you all for following me. This blog means a lot to me, and I am glad that I get to share this experiences with you.