Unlovable

      I used to think I was born with a curse, one that could neither be broken nor fixed; an unlovable heart. The old fashioned folk would think that every girl’s dream is to have prince charming save them from whatever it is that really need saving from, but for me, that wasn’t so. I never asked much of a partner. All that needed to be present is mutual love, yet something that sounded so simple seemed so impossible to find.

      An aromantic was what they called me, which I found to be quite ironic since my lack of a love life was a product of, well, my lack of love. “You’re too picky,” they said, urging me to settle with someone I neither loved nor was attracted to. Granted, I had tried my hand at it, but how can you form a connection with someone who isn’t even remotely interested in what you have to say? Shallow they called me, yet appearance is all they ever seemed to see.

      Normally I wouldn’t think about love, but the occasion had forced me to do so. It was Valentine’s day and everyone seemed to be putting more effort into their looks, which I could never seem to comprehend. It’s a nice gesture, I suppose, though I’ll never understand it.

      I’d never been anyone’s valentine, nor had I ever asked to be. I’m not surprised though, as half the people I knew saw me not as a human being, but a robot. My lack of experience in love had caused me to become quite ignorant, which many misconstrued as bitterness. I’d heard it so much that even I have begun to wonder if I really was bitter, but could you really blame me? I tried to forget, I really did, but with couples flaunting their love everywhere, it’s hard not to think about it. 

      I told myself I was fine being alone, hoping someday I’d actually believe it. I put all my energy into my work, but regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn’t help but feel something was missing. I felt incomplete; that was, until I met Jack.

      “When will this day end?” he mumbled to himself.

      “I see you share my enthusiasm,” I say. Normally I wouldn’t speak, but I must admit that I was amused by the similarity.

      Ever since that day, we talked to each other whenever we got the chance. Then one day, I felt it, a feeling like none I’d ever felt before. I felt love. As soon as I discovered it, I just wanted to blurt it out to the whole world. It was magical, and after a few months, I finally said it.

      “I love you, Jack.”

I didn’t really know what to expect, but I wasn’t left disappointed. He was shocked, really. I could see it on his face, that he loved me too, and that it terrified him. I knew that the way he saw love and the way  I saw it were completely different.  Love was something he desperately wanted to run from, while love was something I wanted to run to. We parted ways, but I wasn’t sad. In fact, I was really happy, happy that for once, I experienced love. 

      So who knows what the future holds? I know things will be different from now on. I can feel it. Jack may not have been the one, or a one or whatever you want to call it, but he unleashed something in me. He unlocked a door that no one ever had before. He freed me.

      Maybe someday, I’ll find someone else to love. Maybe someday, someone else will love me. Maybe someday, he’ll come running back to me.

With love, the possibilities are endless.

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