I always look back at my pain proudly, because without it, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Many would wonder what kind of pain someone at 17 year old could have possible experienced, let alone look back at, and if I told them the truth, I’m sure they’d laugh in my face. But my pain is valid, and it will always be, if not for the simple fact that it belongs to me, and me only.
I used to try not to take myself seriously. I’d convince myself that it meant nothing, but how could something I struggled with daily mean nothing? How could something that clearly affected me not be real? How could people who have never felt what I felt tell me what I’m going through? That’s right. They can’t, because that pain doesn’t belong to them. It belongs to me.
Around age 14/15, I had started to head down a dark road with nothing but a dead end as my destination. So much hatred and darkness had begun to fill me up that I started to forget how to live; that I started to forget that I was alive.
Then I did something I never expected I would, or could do. I changed. Now all I wish is that I could go back to that young, lost teenager and tell her that everything would turn out fine in the end.
When I originally started this blog, I mostly vented, something I kept up for months. I don’t think that will change anytime soon, but I believe it’s time to live a little less in my head and more in the world. Changes are to be expected.
I’m still trying to find my voice as a writer, but regardless of how much I change, this will always be apart of me. I hope someday to inspire others through my writing, but I also hope to explore the world as thoroughly as I can through this mind of mine. I want to touch as many people as I can, but I also want to understand. I want to understand the things I do not see or feel, and I want them to allow me to grow as a person. This is the direction I want to go with my writing. Still, I will not abandon my original intention, and I hope to hold onto this while I grow as a writer.
There’s much to come in the near future. I hope you stick around. Thank you for supporting me on my journey.