The Outsider

I’ve grown into this habit where, on my bad days, I come here and share my thoughts, raw and unedited. Basically, my blog has become sort of like my diary. It is like my hiding place; a small club I’ve created for myself and other like-minded individuals.

Sometimes I’d just come here and vent, and one simple comment would change my day around. That is what I love about writing. I am able to express myself freely. I can write a story and flush out all the anger and sadness inside. Every bad day becomes more and more bearable by simply praying and doing what I love to do.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like an alien in this life. Often, I find myself puzzled by the world and the people in it, including myself. On one hand, I wonder how life can be so difficult, and how people can be so cruel. On the other hand, I wonder how life can be so exciting, and how people can do such amazing things.

Then there’s me. It’s amazing how quickly my mind changes. I can be such a cry baby at times, yet I always seem to bounce right back. I live in my head most days, which can be quite useful when writing. Then there are those days where I can’t stop thinking, days when I can’t sleep and all  I want to do is get outside of my head.

There was a time when sadness seemed to follow me everywhere, as if a dark rain cloud was constantly hanging over my head. It dragged everyone’s mood down. I was constantly trying to reach out to someone- older folks, in particular. Obviously, they were wiser, at least in my eyes. But every time I did, I felt disappointed- as if I wasn’t being heard. I was only greeted by assumptions- assumptions that I was having boy troubles.

I guess that is something I’ve come to accept; that I won’t always be heard. But I am content knowing that, even when it feels like the world has abandoned me, God will always be there for me. Still, I know that somewhere out there, there are people who do care and understand. This is what starting this blog has proved to me. Thank you for hearing me.


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