Earlier this year, I decided it was time to start reading my Bible more.
You see, I’ve considered myself a Christian my whole life simply for the fact that I believe in God. As a child, I only followed what my parents told me to believe in without reason, and that was enough for me.
Now here’s the thing. The older I got, the more miserable I became. People became cold towards me, and I, in turn, acted cold towards them. It got to the point where I began to question the very meaning of life. If you think no one really cares for you or that you are inferior to the rest, life simply becomes one big, seemingly unsolvable puzzle.
I was unhappy, and often times, I’d cry out for God’s help. I spoke to God when and only when I needed Him. This was not enough, and it wasn’t until I reached my lowest point that I really began to see Him at work. This was when my journey to recovery began, though at the time, I didn’t know it.
At that point in time, I had a strange spiritual encounter. I couldn’t understand it at the time, but it was enough to keep me going, even when I wanted to stop. I felt something that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I felt loved. Some time later, I decided that enough was enough, and with God’s love, I was able to overcome agoraphobia.
These days, I see a lot of hate directed towards Christians and even God Himself. Some wonder how a loving God could allow such awful things to happen. I don’t feel I can change anyone’s mind on the matter as I believe religion is a personal thing, something that must be experienced to be understood.
However, I will say that terrible things do happen. For me, Christianity has helped me to come to terms with this, knowing that a better life awaits. To neglect these beliefs would mean losing my purpose. I would either be forced to accept someone else’s explanation of how the world came to be, or stop trying to understand altogether, both of which would lead me to think that life, in the end, is meaningless.
I would have to convince myself that doing or having something will make me feel satisfied. In fact, it was for that very reason that I became miserable in the first place. Whatever I thought I lacked I wished to have. Whatever I could not do I wished to do. But in the end, I’m only human, and I can only do so much. It is through religion that I learned to accept this.
These are my personal beliefs. As I grow, I learn to share them in a more respectful way. Right now, I only wish to help others, whether or not they share my beliefs. Even so, I always wish to let God’s love be known, hoping that someday, it will touch someone else’s heart just as it has touched my own.