It was a new school year. Naively, I thought to myself, this is it. This is the end of my misery.
Much to my dismay, nothing had changed at all. Even in a new class surrounded by new faces, I was still the same shy, acne-scarred girl I was the year before.
I remember it clearly, how the person who’d spoken to me in Biology class was called a fool for choosing me to be his partner rather than the obviously much more attractive girl sitting next to me. Apparently, my unattractiveness deemed me unworthy of being included and more worthy of being left in the dust, without a partner.
All the while these things would happen to me, and I’d either stay silent so as to feel safe, or lash out and prove that I was indeed ugly, both inside and out. There was no winning here; not with the biggest critic of all living in my very own mind.
Now at present, I wish I could say that these memories don’t hurt. I wish I could say that they don’t matter anymore. But the truth is that all the words have had and still continue to have a profound effect on me. The only difference now is how I choose to use that pain. Today, I choose to use that pain to share the love God had shown me during my time of need and use it to uplift those who may be hurting as well.
Now, I can honestly say that I no longer the ugly girl, but rather, fearfully and wonderfully made by a wonderful Creator. Thanks to Him, I am learning to forgive my rejectors and appreciate the beauty He has given to me – even when the rest of the world calls me ugly.
But the real beauty of it all is that, in being ugly to the world, I have learned to find meaning in greater things. I have learned to love, to sympathize and to look beyond the surface.
In my pain and many reflections, I had come to realize the meaninglessness of it all. Nothing here lasts, and nothing here stays. In death, even the most beautiful people become dust, and the rich, penniless. So then, should my life revolve around these things?
If I had never ached, I’d never have come to know the truth. In this life, whether knowingly or unknowingly, we’re all fighting the same battle. As beautiful as the concept of ‘world peace’ sounds, so as long as we live in this state of brokenness, it will remain unachievable. All I can do is empathize with others and offer my love, as I too, often times, struggle to do/say all the right things. It is only in God that I am able to find peace. In knowing His love, even an ‘ugly’ girl like me can be able to call herself beautiful.
Follow for more stories, poems & peculiar thoughts.