Now that Easter has passed, I figure it would be the perfect time to talk about its origin, or how commercialized the religious holiday has become. However, not quite being in the mood to cause any controversy, today, I’ve decided to focus on something even better – spirituality.
For the past three months or so, my focus in life has really shifted. It seemed almost as if my every thought centered around school, assignments, or just how unhappy I was with it all. I was beginning to think my neither my mental or physical health really mattered, as long as I got what I had to do done, and everyone around me seemed to be thinking along the same lines; or at least, supporting the idea. Therefore, I thought, hey, if they’re doing it, why can’t I? Consequently, my spirituality really took a hit, and I have never felt unhappier in my life.
Just last week, as I tried to complete my assignment, I felt a wave of anxiety come over me. No doubt, I had reached my limit, and after a series of panic attacks, I finally decided to shut my laptop down. Here I was, right back in the place I was four years ago, full of worry and anxiety. Where has my faith gone? I wondered. Where is the faith that made me whole? Once again, I felt hopeless, and yes, indeed, it was my own doing. Rather than taking the time to pray, or even remind myself why I’m here, I had let my worldly worries subdue me.
While this experience was not a very pleasant one, I can at least say I’ve learnt something, and that is that I am a spiritual being. It is impossible for me to live a peaceful life without acknowledging my need/desire to grow spiritually. Not only do I want God in my life – I need Him in my life. Sure, I admit, education is great, but what it has yet to give me is a sense of purpose in life. That is where spirituality comes in, but as is the case with education, if you aren’t putting in the effort to grow spiritually, you are going to fail. It was a hard pill to swallow, but realizing this helped me to get back on my feet, start praying, and start reading my Bible again – things which may seem pointless or silly to the religious skeptic; yet, if not for these things, I don’t know how I’d survive.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t still struggle. Going to school while battling illness can be tough, but it’s even harder being surrounded by people who will never fully be able to understand your pain, not because they lack experience, but simply, because they’ve never been in your place. They’ve never lived the life you’ve lived, neither do they see things the way you see things. To some, your belief in God is laughable. To others, you suffer because your faith is lacking. Evidently, there really is no way you can please everyone, and hardly any use in wishing the criticism would stop, and instead, be replaced by a kind word or a helping hand. Nonetheless, it is comforting to know that there is a God, and that He knows you better than you know yourself, and is always willing to listen.