The Pessimist

After making a conscious effort to change my pessimistic ways, I thought I had finally become the person I wanted to be – positive, kind and well…likeable. Now, I think it’s safe to say I was wrong.

For so long I’ve convinced myself that there would be no one who would accept me as I am, and that I was destined to be alone. I had no hope in others, and I had no hope in myself. This, I thought, was the reality, and I just had to accept it. I would always assume everyone had bad intentions.

Whenever I look back at all my experiences, I find that it is only the bitter parts that I choose to focus on. I realize now just how destructive this can be, both for me and those around me. Even so, I can understand it. How else can a mind like mine protect itself? All these memories serve as a reminder to not get my hopes up too high. But at what cost?

It would be foolish to think that no one ever has bad intentions, or that I would never hurt someone I love. But maybe, once in a while, I could stop focusing on whats wrong with humanity, and start focusing on what’s right.

There are fascinating people all around, and I desire to know them and to love them, even those who hate me. I want to connect with others, and unfortunately, my undying pessimism is not going to allow me to do that. Though I know that there are people with bad intentions, I know that there is also good, and I no longer wish to allow this fear to hold me back.

But for now, whether likeable or unlikeable, I am a pessimist, and I understand clearly why it has to be so. This is my process, and it requires patience. If I only allow myself to be patient, I know someday I’ll be able to find the peace I’ve been looking for.

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Wallflower – A Poem

He watches from a distance

sits all by himself

No one sees him

No one hears him

but in his own mind

he is right there 

with the rest

dancing along


Oh how lovely

he thought it would be

to be loved by them

to dance, to sing

to play his part



but in this crowd

he held no place

for deep down

his heart danced 

to a different beat



Oh if only he could find

a kind soul to take him away

to a place he belonged

where he would never have

to compromise who he was

 for the sake of being loved

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Confessions Of An Ugly Girl

It was a new school year. Naively, I thought to myself, this is it. This is the end of my misery.

Much to my dismay, nothing had changed at all. Even in a new class surrounded by new faces, I was still the same shy, acne-scarred girl I was the year before.

I remember it clearly, how the person who’d spoken to me in Biology class was called a fool for choosing me to be his partner rather than the obviously much more attractive girl sitting next to me. Apparently, my unattractiveness deemed me unworthy of being included and more worthy of being left in the dust, without a partner.

All the while these things would happen to me, and I’d either stay silent so as to feel safe, or lash out and prove that I was indeed ugly, both inside and out. There was no winning here; not with the biggest critic of all living in my very own mind.

Now at present, I wish I could say that these memories don’t hurt. I wish I could say that they don’t matter anymore. But the truth is that all the words have had and still continue to have a profound effect on me. The only difference now is how I choose to use that pain.  Today, I choose to use that pain to share the love God had shown me during my time of need and use it to uplift those who may be hurting as well.

Now, I can honestly say that I no longer the ugly girl,  but rather, fearfully and wonderfully made by a wonderful Creator. Thanks to Him, I am learning to forgive my rejectors and appreciate the beauty He has given to me – even when the rest of the world calls me ugly.

But the real beauty of it all is that, in being ugly to the world, I have learned to find meaning in greater things. I have learned to love, to sympathize and to look beyond the surface.

In my pain and many reflections, I had come to realize the meaninglessness of it all. Nothing here lasts, and nothing here stays. In death, even the most beautiful people become dust, and the rich, penniless. So then, should my life revolve around these things?

If I had never ached, I’d never have come to know the truth. In this life, whether knowingly or unknowingly, we’re all fighting the same battle. As beautiful as the concept of ‘world peace’ sounds, so as long as we live in this state of brokenness, it will remain unachievable. All I can do is empathize with others and offer my love, as I too, often times, struggle to do/say all the right things. It is only in God that I am able to find peace. In knowing His love, even an ‘ugly’ girl like me can be able to call herself beautiful.

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5 Questions To Ask This Summer

Summer is a time for fun and surprises! At least, so I’ve heard. For me, summer has always been more about boredom, food and the occasional family trip. That doesn’t sound all that exciting to me, though I do enjoy the trips. Then again, where I come from, it’s practically summer all around. In fact, where I come from, we don’t have summer! (But we do have the wet & dry seasons).

All that aside, I want to hear from you.  Here are five questions you can answer or ask a friend.

  1. What are you doing this summer?
  2. How can someone spice up a boring summer?
  3. How can someone have fun this summer on a low-budget?
  4. What can someone who’s stuck at work this summer make it a little more enjoyable?
  5. What are some ways to you could help someone out this summer?

My answers:

  1. I’m going to be doing a lot of reading this summer (hopefully). There is also the possibility of a beach trip. I would also like to volunteer.
  2. Switch it up! Make a list of things you want to try and make it happen! (but please, be safe).
  3. Go out with a group of friends. Create you own games making use of what you have (even if it’s only your bare hands).
  4. Be a little crafty. Practice good time management. Set aside a time for work and a time for play, and do not allow them to overlap.
  5. Join a volunteer program. Or, take it to the streets. Give to the needy, and while you’re at it, why not sing a song?

That’s it! Hope you’re all having fun!

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4 Reasons To Stand Out Of The Crowd

Remember the good old days when people were told not to follow the crowd?

1. The majority isn’t always right.

We’ve all heard the saying “Majority rules,” and when it comes to decision-making, it is certainly true. Looking back at history, however, we can see that the majority isn’t always making the right decision. When things like slavery are considered, it’s safe to say that simply ‘going with the flow’ isn’t always ideal. As Hitler once said:

If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how easy it is to influence the mind. After all, these words came from a man who manipulated many.

My advice here is simple. Find the truth, and hold onto it. As it is said:

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

And yes, that was a Bible quote.

2. You won’t risk losing yourself.

Many people follow the crowd in order to feel accepted. The sad truth is, in doing this, not only is it possible that you could be making someone else’s life hell, you’re doing the exact same thing to yourself. While accompanying people you have nothing in common with, you miss out of the opportunity to build solid, authentic friendships and settle for what was easier to attain. After faking it long enough, surely anyone would start to lose themselves.

3. People hide their true feelings.

If it is the fear of ridicule that makes following the crowd appealing to you, then it can be comforting to know that many people like to ‘act tough’. In other words, they might very well be fighting their own battle, and so, use a hateful tongue to hide. Regardless of the reason, we’re all flawed human beings. Therefore, no one has the right to say or even portray his/herself as being superior to anyone.

4.  You can’t please everyone.

The truth is that even if you choose to change everything about yourself, someone is going to find a reason to hate you. Sometimes, all you can do is try to do the right thing and carry on with yourself.

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Divided – A Poem

Why do we divide ourselves

as if division could

cause wars to cease

or bring us the peace we seek?


Why do we despise truth

and welcome lies

as if lies could save us

from consequence?


Why do we hate

those who do not agree

as if opposition

somehow equates hate?


Why do we preach freedom

then criticize the ones

who exercise the right?


Or is it that freedom 

only applies to those 

rich enough to buy

a position of authority


to make us pawns

designed to believe that

liberty somehow means 

defining our own destiny


never allowing

life’s unpredictability 

to take us where 

we need to be


but rather, embracing

what was made to enslave us

thinking somehow

we are free

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Faith vs Science – Why The Debate?

As the saying goes, seeing is believing. For the man who finds science to be the answer to life’s many questions, never have truer words been said. On the other hand, some rather embrace another old saying: “Walk by faith and not by sight.”

As a Christian, these words, originating from the Bible itself, are what I happen to live by, and that, to some, seems a little silly – scary, even. However one chooses view it, I have seen faith work wonders in my life, and for me, that has always been enough. Then one day, something happened, something I could have never imagined.
“Prove it to me.” These words often spark highly intense debates between believers and nonbelievers.  Most, if not all of these conversations end in disappointment. I too have fallen into this trap.

My curious young mind would spend hours searching for videos to increase my biblical knowledge and faith, only to find that the whole comment section would be ridden with heated debates. Once, after watching a rather anti-Christian video, I’d taken it upon myself to challenge the video maker’s view. When the replies came rolling on in, I realized that nothing I said would be taken seriously. After being warned by fellow commenter, to spare myself the headache, I erased the whole thing.

Now I have to ask myself, what was the point? How can one prove that which requires faith? In order to believe in God, one must have faith, and that is the undeniable truth. I could say that all things require a creator in order to come into existence. I could say that not all things that exist are visible to the eye. I could examine nature and humanity and say to myself, such magnificence could not be born out of mere coincidence. All of that, at least, requires some faith.

These days, I try to remind myself of the role that I am supposed to play. A Christian is called to spread the gospel, not to scientifically prove anything. If one has questions about God, then it is in God’s Word – the Bible – that he would be able to find answers. By applying faith, he can find truth in it.

But it doesn’t end there. For me, faith has only opened the door to a world of possibilities. As I read of grace, sin, death, prophecy and all these strange things, I look around and compare it all to the world I see around me and suddenly, they don’t seem so strange to me. That is my truth, and my understanding of the world around me.

On the flip side, I think science is a good thing, and while I don’t look to it to answer all life’s questions, I can appreciate it. Faith, however, fills my life with a greater purpose.

So, why the debate? Yes, I believe in God, not because science proves it, but because I have faith. Should I be so ashamed to admit it? If anything, faith has made me a stronger person.

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The Lies We Tell Ourselves

You’re ugly. You’re useless. You can’t do anything right. These are some of the lies we tell ourselves, while our God-given talents lie hidden within us, dying to be put to good use.

From a young age, we are placed in a classroom. Despite our differences, the same material is taught to all of us to be digested and utilized in our lives. This education is what gives us the opportunity to grow, find our passions and set our goals. It all sounds great, until you start comparing yourself to that one student who excels in everything.

Here’s something school won’t teach you. You’re not going to be good at everything, but you are going to be good at something. Today, I challenge you to find that something. School is much more than a place you go to get good grades. It’s a place you go to find what you’re good at, and how you can use it to make the world a little better, if you let it be.

Whether you’ve failed a thousand times or haven’t gotten all the right opportunities, know that learning neither begins nor ends with formal schooling. Let the world be your classroom! Success doesn’t have to mean a big house or a fancy car (and woe to who it does). Success can be as simple as finding something you’re good at, and doing it.

My message here is simple. Study the books, but don’t let them define you. There is a whole world out there, and there’s a place in it for each and every one of us. Nothing is accidental. God has made you with a greater purpose, and sometimes, it just doesn’t align with what the world expects of us. I dare you, go find that purpose.

Loved By You – A Poem

All my life I’ve spent

searching for the one

who would love me 

so convincingly

that I’d have

no choice

but to believe


Yet inside myself I’d hide 

thinking my silence 

could buy your affection

yet met with rejection

still I’d carry on

hoping someday

you would see me


But try as I might

I could never 

be good enough

for you

still I wanted

to be loved 

by you


but if I’d had the choice

truly I say to you

that I would be myself

and hope that

someday you would

come to love

me too